The work of childhood!! 

Imagine you go into work in the morning and the boss says you can work freely on whatever you want, you find a project that interests you and you get into it, but before you are finished, you are called to a team meeting. This meeting may be about something that is of interest or importance to you, and it may not be, but you will have to sit and pay attention for the whole meeting because this is important to your boss.  Let's say the meeting lasted 30 minutes and then the boss says you are free to work on any project you want as long as it is one of the prechosen projects.  Some of these projects are ones that can be completed in minutes, and some are ones you can really get into and keep at for hours. It doesn’t matter what task you choose; you must stay at it for the next 20 minutes. When those 20 minutes are up, you must move on to another prearranged task and again, stay at it for 20 minutes which might be too long or might not be long enough to complete the task to your liking. 

 

Finally, you get a break, but you have to take your break in the area decided by your boss.  As with the inside tasks, the area for your break is limited and there are strict rules to follow.  After you have had 20 minutes to enjoy this break, you are sent to lunch.  Your lunch is chosen for you and consists of highly processed foods and is very carb heavy.  After lunch you get to take a nap, but you have to nap in a room where people are going in and out and talking the whole time.  You finally fall asleep after an hour and just as you fall into a deep sleep, the lights are turned on, you are woken up and told to get up right away. 

 

You are still groggy from your nap being cut short, but it is time to eat a snack, this snack may or may not be something you like, and you only get one serving either way. After snack, there is another meeting.  At this meeting the boss tells you she wants you to learn about time management.  You might not have a problem with time management but that doesn't matter.  For the next 45 minutes you will be doing activities to teach you about time management.  Some of these might be of interest to you, some might not but you have to do them all. During one of the tasks, you and a co-worker have a disagreement, as you are trying to work it out, the boss 

comes over and takes charge, they tell you and your co-worker how to proceed, neither of you feel satisfied with this outcome but you have no choice but to do what you are told. After you have finished all the time management tasks, you get another break and decide to embark on a project of your own choosing during this break but unfortunately, your break is not long enough for you to finish the project and it will not be saved for you to come back to. 

 

When you get back to the office, you are told you will need to work in another room with another group of co-workers.  Once in the new space you are assigned a project and must keep that project in the proper spot and cannot collaborate with anyone else unless they were specifically assigned the same project. This is how you spend the rest of your day, unless the boss decides to bring in more people and have you all watch a video that is unrelated to the work you are doing. 

 

Imagine that you do that same thing day in and day out.  Some of you may enjoy the predictability of these days but I'm sure most would feel frustrated at the lack of control you are given to finish your job to your standards. There is a good chance that you would not look forward to going to work or feel pride in what you are doing.  

 

Now imagine you go to work and are allowed long periods of time to work on what you want to work on.  If you have to stop for any reason, you get to save your work and come back to it later.  When you take a break, you get to decide how to spend that time and are given many options of activities and the only rule is to not hurt anyone and not break anything.  

 

After your break, you get a lunch that is made mostly of whole fruits and vegetables along with protein.  After lunch you go to a quiet, dim room to nap. Before you fall asleep there is a relaxing story and then calming music helps to drift off.  When you wake up the room is still dark, there may be a window open, but you can lay and relax until you are ready to get up. 

 

Once you are ready, you get to have an afternoon snack. The snacks are plentiful, and you get to have as much or as little as you want. 

 

Then you get to spend the rest of the day working on the project of your choice.  If you and a co-worker have a disagreement, your boss tells you to talk it out and come up with a solution you are both happy with.  You are free to go back and forth from project to project and to work with whoever you want.  

 

When you leave in the afternoon, there is a good chance you feel fulfilled and happy to have been able to do your job to your standard. 

 

Now replace the word boss with teacher and you see the difference between your typical early childhood education model and a true play-based model.  Play is the work of children; it is how they learn and how they gain the skills needed to function in life.  When we interrupt play to “teach” we are actually robbing children of the opportunity to learn. 

 

The Birdsall House way believes that given time and the proper environment, children will learn everything they need to be ready for academic learning. We don’t create lessons, we don’t tell the children what we think they need to learn, we trust them to explore and create their own lessons. 

 

 The Cost of Care

Hi everyone, I am sorry I have not blogged in a while, but we have been short staffed and I have been filling in. 

High turnover is a constant problem in childcare and this is especially harmful to infants and young children who need to develop strong relationships with their caregivers. 

One of the main reasons for this turnover is low wages and a lack of benefits. 

 As we were advertising for a new team member I got a lot of backlash about the low pay we were offering and how high our tuition rates are. I spent a lot of time crunching numbers to try and raise pay rates and not raise tuition. It can’t be done, at least not in a way that does not lower the quality of care we provide. 

I know that I have already written about advocacy but today I would like to share with you a tool that shows just how expensive it is to provide quality care.  

Please visit https://costofchildcare.org/index.html and enter your state, then enter what you would like to see when it comes to early child care. You will be surprised by how expensive it is to provide that care. 

We are a Group Home Center which is not on the list but it is similar to Family Home Care. I went there and entered Missouri and the only things I clicked on were to lower teacher child ratios and to increase teacher pay. I would need to charge $1471 a month to do that according to their calculations (which is close to what I had come up with.) I do not want to charge my families that much but I do want low ratios and to be able to recruit quality staff members and keep them. It seems like a no win situation and that is just the bare minimum for staff.  

When I clicked to pay staff the same as kindergarten teachers it raised the rates to $1724.  That is more than most people's mortgages. Not many people could afford to pay that.  When I got crazy and clicked to give staff health insurance and retirement plans, the needed monthly tuition went up to $2177 which is an unattainable amount for all but high income families. 

 

Unfortunately how the high cost of childcare is kept down is by paying minimum wage or just above, offering no benefits and having ridiculously high teacher child ratios. This leads to teacher burnout and high turnover which causes our children to not be able to build those important early trusting relationships. 

Not only do our children deserve better, so do the people caring for them.  Early Childhood Educators and caregivers deserve to make a living wage, they deserve to have the opportunity to plan for their future, they deserve healthcare and they deserve the respect given to all other educators.

Right now our representatives are deciding how to best support families and children.  Please go to  https://www.thinkbabies.org/take-action-american-families-plan/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=email_link&utm_content=baby_monitor_07012021&utm_campaign=Q4_2021_Policy_Center_Resources

And tell them that our children and the people who care for them deserve better. 

 Learning from our children. 

Over the years I have learned many things from my students.  I have learned dinosaur and animal facts, I have learned a great way to easily describe a tornado and many interesting facts about different religions and cultures. Recently I have learned that not only do the students add to my knowledge of facts, they also provide some amazing life lessons. 

#1 Love yourself

It was a beautiful spring day and the whole crew was outside. I was sitting with a baby on my lap and many of our students around me. 

One of the children said "Ms Kelly, who is your favorite person in the world?" 

I said that was a hard question and I was trying to come up with an answer. Some of the children were helping me try to figure out the right answer. 

We decided that it couldn't be one of them because I love them all.  It couldn't be one of my own children because I have three and love them all equally.  One of the children said it should be my granddaughter because I only have one grandchild.  

I was ready to settle on that answer when a very wise 7 year old said "Ms Kelly the answer should be you, it is very important to love yourself."  I could not argue with that answer and we then got into a great conversation about why self love is important. 

#2 Check in on your friends

Everyone was getting ready to go outside one morning, one of the children stopped to use the bathroom on the way out.  Another child got their coat on and was heading to the back door when she stopped at the bathroom door. I was prepared for a typical 3 year old interaction, perhaps she was going to ask when the other child was going to be finished or tell them that she needed in. 

I was not prepared for what she actually said.  

She opened the door just a crack and said "Are you doing ok?" to which the other child said "Yes, I am, thank you for asking." 

I guess you could say I learned two lessons from this encounter, lesson one was the importance of checking in with our friends to make sure they are okay and lesson two was to stop underestimating how kind our students are. 

 

Advocacy 

This is Missouri State childcare advocacy week and I thought I would share with you why I think advocacy is important.

In the last week I have added five children to our waitlist.  We currently have a waitlist that is almost double our legal occupancy.  While part of that is because we have an amazing program that provides loving care and encourages social emotional growth. We also provide a stimulating environment that encourages creativity, problem solving, and higher order thinking, along with creating a community of support for our families and staff. 

Unfortunately, I don’t think our greatness is the whole reason we have such a long waiting list. I think it also has to do with the lack of other amazing places in our area.    

Prier to Covid we were already in a childcare desert, for every 40 children who needed PreK care, there was ONE spot available.  In the last year, almost 40% of small centers in Missouri have closed their doors permanently.

I often hear from families who put their child on numerous waitlists, hoping to get in somewhere soon.

I have had parents tell me that the center or home they take their child to was not their first or even second choice, but they needed childcare and that place had a spot.  

This is not how it should be!

As a director I have struggled in the past to find quality staff and options for substitutes are nonexistent at times.  Our centers need to be well staffed and there needs to be consistency in care. Consistency allows for strong attachments to form and those attachments allow a child to feel safe.  Many centers are struggling to find quality staff and turnover in early childhood is very high, making it hard for children and families to form attachments with caregivers.

This is not how it should be!

We all know that the first three years are when most brain development happens and that the years 3 to 5 can either prepare a child for school and life, or not. Parents should have numerous high-quality centers/homes with open spots to choose from.  Some parents may want early academics (despite the evidence against it) and they should have many such places to choose from.  Other families may want a play-based center where the children are outside much of the day, like Birdsall House. There should be many high-quality play-based centers for families to choose from.

The only way that is going to happen is to invest in early childhood.

The only way investment will happen is through advocacy.  We need to advocate for investment in the quality centers we already have so that they can grow and serve more children.

Did you know that many centers require a teacher to have a degree and yet the average wage for childcare in Missouri is $11.29 an hour.  Many collages are finding fewer and fewer students who want to study early childhood education due to the low wages.

The only way to change this is to invest in early childhood.

The only way investment will happen is through advocacy. We need to advocate for investment in early childhood so educators can earn a livable wage without raising the burden on families for the cost.

Our families deserve to choose who they want to trust to help raise their children. Our caregivers deserve to not have to stress about how they are going to feed their own children.

This is why I think advocacy is important.  Advocacy can be as easy as signing a petition or filling in a form to send an email.  Please consider adding your voice to the many others advocating for our children.

If you would like to be an advocate for early childhood but do not know where to start, check out http://kidswinmissouri.org/ for more information about advocacy campaigns you can add your voice to.

Thank you for supporting and advocating for children and the people who care for them.

 Let them cry

It might surprise you to know that I do not mind walking into the center and hearing children cry, in fact I like it. 

If the children never cried, I would worry. 

I would worry that the children were not being allowed to experience conflict.

I would worry that the children were being placated to keep them happy.

I would worry that the children were getting the message that it was not okay to cry.

I remember once when I worked at a traditional center in the infant/toddler room and my director walked in and asked why one of the children was crying.  I replied that she was sad, and the director told me to make her stop because they were giving a tour and it did not look good.

As my past employers will tell you, I did not always follow orders.  This child was sad, she wanted something someone else had and despite us offering other toys, she was still sad and deserved to be allowed to express that sadness.  Fortunately, she had moved on by the time the tour came by, but I had been prepared to defend her right to cry if needed.

Not only do infants deserve and need to cry and express their emotions, so do toddlers and preschoolers and even adults. 

That baby that needed to cry became a toddler and preschooler who sometimes needed to cry.  Why would she need to cry you might ask, well, there are many reasons.

None of her friends wanted to play what she wanted to play.

One of her friends played with someone else.

Someone else was playing with the toy she wanted.

And so on, there are many reasons for a child to be sad, frustrated, or angry and they deserve to be able to express those emotion

As adults most of us don’t like it when we are upset, and someone tells us to “Calm Down” or says, “It’s Ok, don’t cry”. I know for me, when someone says those things, I feel like they are not really understanding or listening to me. Instead, I like it when my friend says, “I know that you are feeling sad and it you need to cry, then cry”. 

When we go to great effort to stop a child from crying by distraction or bribery, aren't we really telling them that it's not okay for them to be crying? That how they are feeling is wrong and they need to stop expressing it?  That the only emotion we are comfortable with is happiness?  What do they learn from that? 

It seems like we expect our children to control their emotions better than adults do, but when we do not allow them to express emotions, how are they supposed to learn to control them.

The crying child I mentioned earlier is now an amazing 8-year-old who is wise and empathetic, yes, she still cries but don’t we all. And that’s okay.

 The Job of a Toddler part three

Getting what they want

Toddlers are experts at trying to get what they want.  

While I have never agreed with the term "terrible two's", I fully agree with the term "tenacious three's" but have also met many tenacious two's and even one's. 

One of the most important lessons learned during the toddler years is "how to get what I want". Toddlers will try many tactics to get what they want and the lessons they learn all depend on how parents and caregivers respond to the tactics used.  

I just spent time with a very tired three year old who didn't want to sleep. I know this child well and know that a skipped nap could end in a very unpleasant evening for her family. She employed all the typical moves, she got up and used the bathroom twice, she argued that she wasn't tired, that she was hungry and thirsty, that her clothes hurt, and on and on.  I continued to assure her that she would be ok if she waited for after nap snack because she had JUST eaten a big lunch, that her clothes were bothering her because she was tired and on and on. While it can be very frustrating watching her fight sleep, I know that she needs a nap and she needs me to allow her to test and not give in.  

Keeping a calm demeanor while dealing with a testing toddler is not easy but is very important.  If possible, tag team with one parent or caregiver switching with another when needed. This sends the message that everyone is on the same page and models cooperative behavior. 

Don't ever hesitate to say "I'm feeling frustrated right now and need to take a break, I'll be back in a few minutes to help you some more". Then go into another room and do whatever works for you to remain or regain your calm.  By doing so you let them know that you are not going to give up just because you are frustrated and also show that it is ok to be frustrated and to take a minute when needed. 

Many toddlers will at some point try the tantrum method of getting what they want.  I know that there is a lot of conflicting advice out there about tantrums and I always say to go with what feels right for you and works for your family. My advice is to acknowledge how they are feeling, restate why they can't get what they want and go on with your day. Remember, they can't always get what they want and they have the right to be upset about that.  

Here we see my granddaughter showing my entire extended family at a Christmas party how upset she was that she couldn't have what she wanted. 

And now her reaction when she realized a room full of people were going to let her express her feelings, but were not going to give her what she wanted. 

I recommend only paying attention to a tantrum if they are throwing things or doing something else that could hurt someone.  As with all toddler behavior, acknowledge how they feel with statements like " I know you really wanted a blue cup but all the blue cups are being used", or whatever is fueling the tantrum and then let them be. They will soon learn that tantrums don't work, it may take a few tantrums before they are sure that you won't give in, but if you are consistent, they will learn that this is not an effective way to get what they want.   

The most important thing to keep in mind is that it's ok for your child to have strong negative emotions, it is not your job to keep them happy all the time.  Despite what they may say, what they need most from you is to know that you are in charge, you can and will make the big decisions and you will love them no matter how hard they push and test.  

Always remember that the safer, more loved they feel, the harder they will test you.  So the next time your toddler melts down in public and you feel everyone's eyes on you, remember that what they think is not important, your child seeing you be strong in the face of their emotions is. 

 

The Job of a Toddler part two

 

In my last blog I wrote about toddlers and how they test in their interactions with other children.  Today I will talk briefly about how they may test you at home.

Hitting

Every toddler I know at one point tested their parents by hitting them.  It can be quite a shock the first time your sweet baby hits you and you do not know how to react.  My advice is to always react naturally, when someone hits you, it hurts.  Tell your toddler that it hurts you, make a sad face, say “ouch” whatever feels natural to you and gets the point across that it hurts (even if it does not really hurt.) If you are holding them and they repeatedly hit you, put them down, tell them that you will not allow them to hurt you and if they are going to hit, you will not hold them.

If they are hitting siblings, tell them that you will not allow them to hurt their brother/sister and if they want to play with them, they need to not hit, otherwise they will have to play by themselves.  This is a natural consequence, and the important thing is to ALWAYS remain calm and to say this in a calm, matter of fact way.  With some children you will only need to move them a few feet away, with other children you might need to use a play pen or a room with a gate.  Try not to make going into the play pen or other room seem like punishment.   Instead, it is just what needs to be done to keep others safe and always allow them to rejoin the group as soon as they are calm and ready.  Do not put them in for any set amount of time. 

Setting a timer for a set amount of time for them to “think” is punishment, allowing them to tell you when they are ready is discipline.  One is intended to punish, the other to teach.

Climbing

Imagine the joy of learning that you can climb onto all sorts of surfaces you had thought were out of our reach.

 It is like if you as an adult woke up one morning with the power to jump really high, I’m pretty sure most of you would test that power out and visit the tops of nearby buildings.

There is a good chance your toddler will try to climb on shelves, dressers, tables, and the list goes on.  This is an instance in which I have found that how we word things really makes a difference.  Instead of saying “NO” or “don’t climb” say “that’s to high”, “that’s not safe” or “keep your feet on the floor”, or stool or whatever they are allowed to climb/stand on.  If you walk into a room and find them on a table, show concern and say, “Please get down, that is not safe” and then talk about the surfaces they might hit if they fell off the table.  If you have a stool that you let them stand on to help in the kitchen, but they keep using it to climb onto the counter, tell them that it is not safe and if they continue, you will have to take it out of the room, and they will not be able to help you.  The important thing is to do it if you say it and while your toddler may cry for a day while they watch you cook without them, the next day they will probably not climb back up and if they do, take the stool away for another day.  

 As with hitting, biting, throwing and all the other many experiments your toddler is going to engage in, consistency in your reaction will make a difference and will allow them to learn what is acceptable and what is not. 

If you establish the rules, explain the consequences of not stopping the behavior, consistently enforce those consequences, acknowledge how everyone in the situation feels and try to keep calm, you will get through this.

Some examples of how to phrase things are

·         I know its frustrating that you can’t climb on the counter but It’s not safe and I worry you will get hurt.

·         I won’t allow you to hurt me, I know you are frustrated but hitting is not ok.

Toddlerhood is full of challenges, but it is also full of joy, one day you will look back on these days and smile.

Just remember the big 3 C’s

Calm, consistent and caring.