The Job of a Toddler part two

 

In my last blog I wrote about toddlers and how they test in their interactions with other children.  Today I will talk briefly about how they may test you at home.

Hitting

Every toddler I know at one point tested their parents by hitting them.  It can be quite a shock the first time your sweet baby hits you and you do not know how to react.  My advice is to always react naturally, when someone hits you, it hurts.  Tell your toddler that it hurts you, make a sad face, say “ouch” whatever feels natural to you and gets the point across that it hurts (even if it does not really hurt.) If you are holding them and they repeatedly hit you, put them down, tell them that you will not allow them to hurt you and if they are going to hit, you will not hold them.

If they are hitting siblings, tell them that you will not allow them to hurt their brother/sister and if they want to play with them, they need to not hit, otherwise they will have to play by themselves.  This is a natural consequence, and the important thing is to ALWAYS remain calm and to say this in a calm, matter of fact way.  With some children you will only need to move them a few feet away, with other children you might need to use a play pen or a room with a gate.  Try not to make going into the play pen or other room seem like punishment.   Instead, it is just what needs to be done to keep others safe and always allow them to rejoin the group as soon as they are calm and ready.  Do not put them in for any set amount of time. 

Setting a timer for a set amount of time for them to “think” is punishment, allowing them to tell you when they are ready is discipline.  One is intended to punish, the other to teach.

Climbing

Imagine the joy of learning that you can climb onto all sorts of surfaces you had thought were out of our reach.

 It is like if you as an adult woke up one morning with the power to jump really high, I’m pretty sure most of you would test that power out and visit the tops of nearby buildings.

There is a good chance your toddler will try to climb on shelves, dressers, tables, and the list goes on.  This is an instance in which I have found that how we word things really makes a difference.  Instead of saying “NO” or “don’t climb” say “that’s to high”, “that’s not safe” or “keep your feet on the floor”, or stool or whatever they are allowed to climb/stand on.  If you walk into a room and find them on a table, show concern and say, “Please get down, that is not safe” and then talk about the surfaces they might hit if they fell off the table.  If you have a stool that you let them stand on to help in the kitchen, but they keep using it to climb onto the counter, tell them that it is not safe and if they continue, you will have to take it out of the room, and they will not be able to help you.  The important thing is to do it if you say it and while your toddler may cry for a day while they watch you cook without them, the next day they will probably not climb back up and if they do, take the stool away for another day.  

 As with hitting, biting, throwing and all the other many experiments your toddler is going to engage in, consistency in your reaction will make a difference and will allow them to learn what is acceptable and what is not. 

If you establish the rules, explain the consequences of not stopping the behavior, consistently enforce those consequences, acknowledge how everyone in the situation feels and try to keep calm, you will get through this.

Some examples of how to phrase things are

·         I know its frustrating that you can’t climb on the counter but It’s not safe and I worry you will get hurt.

·         I won’t allow you to hurt me, I know you are frustrated but hitting is not ok.

Toddlerhood is full of challenges, but it is also full of joy, one day you will look back on these days and smile.

Just remember the big 3 C’s

Calm, consistent and caring.